What are you doing?
It would be really easy to ask you that and keep walking.
But it's a little like what you're doing right now, working the problem on the screen. Lots of names, lots of gaps and none that fit you. How bad it is, whether it's more than moderate, a word you saw on a test. And underneath it all, the big one: will I be heard.
No one is calling you on your effort. But I wonder if you can change the question. Ask yourself, not the screen: am I the best person to be working this out?
You're not, and no judgement.
Here's what might be going on. You're building a case. Symptoms in order, severity established, the right words from the right tests, so that when you finally ask someone, they'll take you seriously. They'll listen properly, rather than hear you out and move you along.
There's a saying for it, the five Ps. Perfect planning prevents poor performance. Good performance gets you better attention, so prep is key.
Except here.
Being properly listened to isn't something you prepare for. It's what the person on the other end is there to do. You can arrive with nothing worked out, unsure it even counts, and be met with their attention. They're listening to you, not the presentation. Besides, how do you prep for their questions?
No more prep. Try this instead.
Pick up a phone, your phone, call 111, then choose the mental health option. It puts you through to the mental health team in your area, someone trained for this, for you. They are there now, today, whatever time you're reading this. You refer yourself, and you really don't need to have anything worked out.
You ring, you choose the option, you talk to a person. That's what they do. They help, right now.
One thing to hold onto, because it matters. If this is an emergency, if you or someone near you is in immediate danger, that's 999 or A&E, not 111. 111 is for when you can't cope and need help today. 999 is for when it can't wait at all.
If you're dialling, you're answering the question.
What are you doing?